Memory Motel: A Rock And Roll Fantasy, Part One Section 8- Life With Dino
Part One: The Crash (Continued)
Chapter Three: Blue Eyes
I am not really scared, I wouldn’t be, would I?
That’s because Ronnie is holding me close I think I am gonna suffocate any moment.
Ronnie has his eyes closed and he is stroking me, and holding me closely, maybe a minute from his death, indeed most people on this plane’s death, but not mine because I never die.
Wait, now don’t get me wrong: I had nothing to do with it a such, I had a good idea it was going to happen but that was it. I, like everybody else here, am the innocent victim of an alcoholic engineer and a drunken afternoon hiding in the cockpit when he should have been checking up on stuff. That, some turbulence, a little bad luck and that was it, no more Stones. Nobody to blame, of course, it’s God’s, by which I mean, my will. I have a bigger purpose and I know what’s gona happen so I guess, I’m involved with being involved. Things go as I want them, mostly. That’s one thing people don’t understand at all: there is a random x factor about life, sometimes things just happen and there is nothing at all to be done about it. Suck it up cupcake, right?
Anyway, I knew without really knowing. Sometimes this X factor is just like a computer that just does weird stuff for no reason and some of it is the way I planned it, and most of what you consider life is merely random mix and matches. I once read about a kid, he lit a firework on his head and now he’s dead: why did he die? Because he lit a firework on his head. Speaking of random stupidly, I once came here as a tree. A tree? What was I thinking of? I spent 300 years bored out of my mind in Sherwood Forest, or at least part of me did. I spent centuries reporting back to myself, it is sort of a loop, about absolutely nothing.
I was never “born” born, I have existed forever, longer than anything else in The After Math, I can’t explain it clearer any more than you can explain quantum physics to an ant: it is not that I am smarter, merely that I am working in a completely different frame, I am. That’s all
In this time frame, I arrived about 13.8 billion years ago and have come and gone from The Aftermath to this Universe. I have spent 100s of millions of years at a time and have returned to the Aftermath for 35 Million years once but that isn’t really accurate since there is no time there, we use it as a currency: it’s like saying dollars s gold, dollars is paper representing gold, time is a currency representing where we are in the After Math.
What I do, is think, I observe, and I feedback information to myself, and otherwise everything I do is up to me. That’s not my job, that’s my is. A self-conscious filter of information and not all information just some. I can be ice, or I can be a galaxy, but in this Universe I exist, I am alive.
I’ve been a human over and over again but I don’t enjoy it and it is the only time I am worried my true nature will be discovered . I’ve been everything else more or less –sometimes . At the beginning I was some variance on energy and matter but a conscious one, I understood what was happening and I knew why: I was changing thought to matter and not necessarily to make the Earth (you still aren’t the center of the Universe), or earths, but merely to see how thought looked like to me because I was bored. But what am I?
Well, I am Blue Eyes right now, Ron Wood’s doggie, and he is about to die and I will live as I always do. Look at me this: you know how your thoughts are like synapses in the brain going off? That is a mimic of what I am, I am a synapses in a huge brain and the huge brain is everything, everywhere in every dimension and also I am the huge brain itself. Think father and son and holy ghost. But this big thought brain thingy me, that is the meaning of life? In order for me to not atrophy I needs, in every single dimension in which I exist, something even if the something, like in black holes, is nothing in relation to something.
The science (yes it is a science) sounds like mumbo jumbo and the reason is because it is very difficult to move the concepts from one medium to another: they don’t translate. If what I am doing on earth is something like transmitting matter into thought into matter and back to, not the Universe, but everything, this huge nothing everything, it can’t make sense: it sounds like bullshit. But this is how everything nourishes itself, this is why it is, to move matter into thought and back. In other words: life, you yourself, are about transmogrification and from the lowest to the highest, your sole reason to be is to feed into yourself.
Anyway, it doesn’t really matter: you won’t get it so just take my word for it, you, that you you, never dies, and when you die you get some time to re-acclimatize yourself before you deal with the next part. For humans that is a lot of fun, really for everything that lives, it is tremendous fun but if you were human and are now whatever you are, it is a complete blast. You are gonna love it, believe me. If ghosts knew about it they would leave earth pronto.
Anyway, during that period, the one that comes directly after life, and last a lot longer, your soul goes through changes in order to experience stuff and feed it back as thought to itself… yeah, OK, I’ll stop now. Just sometimes you are alone with your consciousness and sometimes you are a part of larger consciousnesses and sometimes you are part of all consciousness, me if you want, but you don’t stay there. Is there are a purpose? Of course, but that will have to wait for some other time
Anyway, there are some things like me, I am not human, I’m god, but sometimes I work on Earth and simultaneously in other places, both in Aftermath and after Aftermath and… well, everywhere: I am like a vessel and I work for myself and for everything (which is myself) and therefore like you. I am like a President though with no power and only certain privileges and the most important is I can be in a billion places at the same time, without being close to omnipotent because I choose not to be.
I’ll tell you what I wasn’t blessed with: foresight, I can predict without being certain. Why? Because if what everything is is thoughts, sometimes it changes its mind. It is random but not entirely, working inside a set of Physical Laws, it can change what happens within the frame. I do not know the future, time only goes in one direction: it is on life and afterlife and After Math? Plus let’s be honest, it isn’t even called After Math, I chose the name because this story is about a rock band called the Rolling Stones who died in a plane crash and what happened afterwards: After Math is the name of one of their albums.
For the sake of this thought paradigm, time is not a dimension really, it goes on relentlessly forward and one day will end, unless we decide to extend it but I think it will end. I don’t have foresight but I’ve been around a long time and given the state of this planet? I’d give it a coupla centuries and then goodnight Vienna.
At first there was nothing to interact with because there was nothing with consciousness even on the molecular level, though, and this isn’t a science lesson (or a history lesson for that matter) so I’ll stop soon: things began to stick together and expand. Planets were made and life was formed because I was lonely even as I remained with unconsciousness matter until the earths, other conscious planets, and then it got interesting.
I crawled out of the primordial ooze and lived and died and lived and died, and it was maybe the third most interesting time ever: the first was the very beginning which was beyond weird, and the second was human’s began to figure out something was happening. For interesting, I’d put this third. Natural selection was running rampant and I was all over it, as everything came and left and came and left and evolved and evolved and evolved.
The world was so fresh, the air so clean and the world, this planet so completely alive. And things began to gain consciousness. Not the way you have it, and definitely not the way I do, but it was conscious, everything was conscious, on some level. Everywhere you looked was different, everything was new like a spread throughout the planets and then an iceage would come along and clobber it and then it would get back together and everywhere you looked was wild, beautiful dangerous, free. The planet today? The planet today is an old sickly thing, you lot, you know? I am not judging, I don’t care. You aren’t the only sentient beings in this universe let alone any of the others, and you travel freely between them time after time after time. It is a wonderful thing at this most early time. We were truly a part of the land, we lived and breathed the earth. Me? I was a molecule of air, a mammal still being formed, slithering on the ground, an ant. Life was as simple as it can get for a mammal, or for a planet: eat, fuck, die: sometimes at the same time, and for me, over and over and over and over. It was really a great job, not unlike a critic, you observe you don’t create.
Of course, that all changed my mind kept on interfering, and meanwhile, The After Math, as a rule of thumb, never interfered: O left myself to it, I mean, occasionally, once every 200 milion years or something, I’d give everything a little nudge, but otherwise, Ileft the earth, indeed, the Universe, to exist in its own weird and random way, tiptoeing through millions of years in a blink of the eye, going round and round and round and round…
Anyway, I have been on this planet since the very beginning though not only on this planet since the very beginning. The decision to be a dinosaur was pretty simple, it was a goodish racket. We ruled but we also looked from above. We were real small brained but that didn’t bother me, I loved the rule, and whenever I decided to be another animal I regretted it. Of course, the information wasn’t particularly good and we didn’t know where it was all heading. We didn’t realize what our laws of physics would create. We were winging it.
I spent many many 1000s of years as a dinosaurs, I think it was my favorite incarnations because really, when you are a homosapien power has too many complications, and people wanna know you and stuff and you just wanna sit back quietly and feed on truths but when you are a dinosaur it is just the best, you beat up on everything. I was a dinosaur, on and off, for around 136 million years and honestly I would keep coming back as a dinosaur to this day only I got sick of me jerking around and thus the K-Pg. I know you thought the K-Pg was god was making way for you but nah, I am the reason I put an end to it. I needed to get out of it.
Because, think of it, what more could you want out of life than to just rule everything at all times, everywhere? I can’t think of anything more enjoyable than the stress free lifestyle of a Dino. Compare it to my life now? As Blue Eyes? Guess what, I love Ron but he needs me so much to be a dog all the time. It isn’t relaxing; there is this disquieting sense of having to be what I am when I want to be what I’m not while when I was a dinosaur it didn’t take much out of me, and it left me lifetimes thousands and hundreds of thousands and millions of years to just watch matter evolve and to just see the slightest of changes in environment: fascinating and really it was, compared to the rest of this dimension, pretty fascinating in itself, like, much more interesting than much of what else there is to do out there. Let’s be honest, compared to the After Math, this place is a little on the boring side. Though on this planet you do have fear and that sure hurries stuff up.
I would spend a lifetime with my family, tearing up the world, and unlike a dog, not for 30 years but for 200, 300 years, and all my connection to my fellow herd was about food and fun and having a swell time of it. If you think homosapiens are the rulers of the world, you should have seen us: millions of years we were the best of the best, nothing could kill us, indeed, only we could kill each other, and usually it was just intraspecies bullshit, otherwise, fuck, I was 30 feet tall as a matter of course. Yeah. The closest thing you can see to us today would be birds, we were like birds. We couldn’t fly (well, I could sometimes, but if you were dino you couldn’t) but we were so high, our heads in the clouds and just stomping round the planet doing anything we wanted. The thing with you guys is that you think because you know there is something happening that makes you smart, and it doesn’t at all.
I have problems with humans because I have no superego to deal with and I loved dinosaurs because I think in some ways I am more like dinosaurs then other species. Is it wrong to enjoy , companionship, power, a lack of self-consciousness, an instinct that over powers all other aspects of me? To wake and play in a glorious world which I tower over, afraid of nothing, for me afraid of less than nothing, not even a fear of death, and feel the sun, the rain, the elements against my skin as I hang with my friends (OK, not quite friends but close enough, right? Those who stay with me throughout my life) in a constant pleasure put: never bored, never thinking about tomorrow, always scaling myself through life and never missing anyone, or crying, or sighing: to be a dinosaur is to be part of a world of unrelenting newness, and to be what I am is to be compound the newness, because for so much time the changes were so minor, with the passing of the earth round the sun, over and over and over again: I would have been happy to have spent eternity like that.
So here is a lesson about time in this dimension, where try as you may you can never go backwards, it always ends. 136 Million years compared to my life as Blue Eyes: well, just compare them. However, it absolutely came to an end. Oh, I denied it but I don’t think there can any doubt at all that it came to be because I said it did.
As for the dinosaurs, did they live on? That depends upon what you mean by live but the simple answer is: yes, they lived on.
As for me, once the meteors hit, I had enough. Indeed, I took a huge break from earth. Stayed out of it entirely and spent time in different levels of the Afterlife. Of course, time is different there in that it runs as a complete dimension unto itself, feeding off itself. I didn’t return till around 10 Million years ago when Homo Sapiens began to seriously evolve.
No real reason, I realize it is easy to tie my return to the evolution of man, but it isn’t really true. I was so upset with the K-Pg I didn’t wanna deal with the planet despite it being where the action was in many ways even then. So I didn’t brood, I did other things, like… nah, I won’t tell you but I definitely meditated for who knows how long.
The difference between After Math and this life is best understood like that: it distills everything into one and back out again and that is what I was doing, I was distilling for the greater good.