The Ultimate Year In Celebrity Death Graded And Alphabetized: And The Biggest Loss Is?

Written by | December 29, 2016 14:15 | one response

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Sure, it is in bad taste but so is death and death is one of those subjects that, when it doesn’t hit too close to you, finds laughter as a correlative. If you live to mourn loss, you will never live nor mourn. There is too much, it is constant, it is everywhere, and all you can do is dodge and weave until it is your turn.

Death is the banana skin of life, you go about your life,  win a few, lose a few, minding your own business, then you skip, slip, and end up with soil in your face. All that effort and for what? Infinite in its meaninglessness, this is the big cosmic whateverisem, the killing joke. It has to be funny, it is funny, though the joke is on us.

Which, given the amount of celebrity deaths in 2016, had me wondering what matters to whom and why. I figured I’d make a grading system.The higher the grade, the more devastating the loss. What this isn’t is an assessment of artistry as such, but more impact of death-y…

Here is what I figured the determine factors were:

Fame

Age

Art

Method Of Death

So I put myself, if I died today as example:

Fame: F

Age: 60 – C

Art: D

Method Of Death: D (A liver transplant gone wrong -what a boring way to go)

Grade: D

Now let’s kill off someone a little bigger… TAYLOR SWIFT: Fame: A+ (an international superstar at the height of her success) Age:  A- 27 (not a child but not old at all), Art: A (multi-Grammy winner pop artist), Method Of Death: A+ (Harry Styles shot her to death ). Grade: A

So I assessed a lot of death and discovered what I knew from the beginning. There are no “A” deaths, though if Bowie or Prince were younger, they’d have been “A” deaths. If Muhamad Ali had been 40 years of age, he’d have been an “A+”. George Michael, George Martin, and Shimon Perez were all major deaths (Perez and Martin despite their age). So was Leonard Cohen and Scotty Moore. Outside of music, Elie Wiesel and Shimon Perez were big big losses,

In the end, I think Prince was the biggest loss. He might have peaked as a recording artist but as a live performer? Not close. It was a complete shocker, he was still an important performer on the world stage, could sell out any arena and many stadiums, was well respected and well beloved.

So here is a list of all the deaths plus the grades .

Abe Vigoda: Fame: B-, Age: D-, Art: B-, MOD: F. Grade: C-

Afena Shakur Davis: Fame: C+, Age: C+, Art: C, MOD: C+. Grade: C+

Alan Rickman: Fame: B+, Age: B-, Art: B, MOD: D. Grade: B-

Alan Thicke: Fame: B+, Age: C+, Art: B, MOD: C+. Grade: B-

Alan Young: Fame: C, Age: D-, Art: B, MOD: D-. Grade: D+

Alexis Arquette: Fame: C+, Age: B, Art: A-, MOD: D. Grade: B+ (On a personal note, I always admired her)

Andrew Sachs: Fame: C+, Age: D+, Art: A-, MOD: D. Grade: C+

Angela “Big Ang” Raiola: Fame: B-, Art: C+, Age: B, MOD: C. Grade: B-

Antonin Scalia: Fame: B+, Age: C, Art: D, MOD: D. Grade: C-

Anton Yelchin: Fame: B, Age: A-, Art: C+, MOD: A. Grade: B+

Arnold Palmer: Fame: A, Age: D, Art: A, MOD: D. Grade: B

Bernie Worrell: Fame: C+, Age: C+, Art: A-, MOD: D+. Grade: C+

Billy Paul: Fame: B-, Age: C, Art: B, MOD: D+. Grade: C+

Bob Ebeling: Fame: D+, Age: D+, Art: B, MOD: D. Grade: D+

Boutros Boutros-Ghali: Fame, B, Age: D-, Art: B, MOD: D-. Grade: C-

Carrie Fisher: Fame: A, Age: B, Art: B, MOD, C+. Grade: B

Chyna: Fame: C+, Age: B+, Art: D, MOD: C. Grade: C+

Christina Grimmie: Fame: C, Age: A, Art: B-, MOD: A+ (murdered by a “fan”). Grade: B+

Curtis Hanson: Fame: C+, Age: B-, Art: B, MOD: D+. Grade: B-

Dan Haggerty: Fame: B, Age: C+, Art: C+, MOD: D+

Dave Mirra: Fame: B-, Age: B+, Art: B, MOD: A. Grade: B+

David Bowie: Fame: A, Age: B-, Art: A,  MOD: A- Grade: A-

David Gest: Fame: C-, Age: B, Art: C-, MOD: B+. Grade: C+

David Huddleston: Fame: C, Age: C-, Art: C, MOD: D. Grade: C

Debbie Reynolds: Fame: A-  Age: D+, Art: A, MOD: A+ . Grade: B+

Doris Roberts: Fame: B+, Age: D-, Art: B, MOD: D. Grade: B-

Edgar Mitchell: Fame: B-, Age: D-, Art: C+, MOD: D+. Grade: C

Edward Albee: Fame: B, Age: D, Art: A, MOD: D. Grade: B

Elie Wiesel: Fame: A, Age: D, Art: A, MOD: D. Grade: B

Erik Bauersfeld: Fame: D+, Age: D-, Art: C, MOD: D. Grade: D+

ER Braithwaite: Fame: D, Age: F, Art: B+, MOD: F. Grade: C- (FYI, he was the inspiration behind “To Sir With Love”)

Fidel Castro: Fame: A+, Age: D-, Art: B+, MOD: F (Cmon, he couldn’t have been assassinated?). Grade: B-

Florence Henderson: Fame: A, Age: C-, Art: B, MOD: D. Grade: B

Frank Sinatra Jr: Fame: B+, Age: C+, Art: B-, MOD: C+ (sudden heart attack -not bad). Grade: B

Fyvush Finkel: Fame: B, Age: D-, Art: B, MOD: D-. Grade: C+

Garry Marshall: Fame: B+, Age: C, Art: A, MOD: D. Grade: B

Garry Shandling: Fame: B+, Age: B-, Art: A-, MOD: B+. Grade: B+

Gene Wilder: Fame: A, Age: D+, Art: A, MOD: D. Grade: B+

George Gaynes: Fame: C, Age: D+, Art: C, MOD: D. Grade: D+

George Kennedy: Fame: B-, Age: D, Art: B+, MOD: D. Grade: C+

George Martin: Fame: A, Age: D-, Art: A+, MOD: D-. Grade: A-

George Michael: Fame: A, Age: B+, Art: B+, MOD: A-. Grade: A-

Glenn Frey: Fame: A, Age: B, Art: B-, MOD: B+. Grade: B+

Grant Tinker: Fame: C-, Age: D-, Art: A-, MOD: D-. Grade: C-

Greg Lake: Fame: B-, Age: C+, Art: C+, MOD: C. Grade: C+

Greta Zimmer Friedman: Fame: C+, Age: D-, Art: C+, MOD: D+. Grade: C

Guy Clark: Fame: B-, Age: C+, Art: B+  MOD:C+. Grade: B-

Gwen Ifill: Fame: B, Age: B+, Art: B, MOD: C+. Grade: B

Harper Lee: Fame: A, Age: D, Art: B+, MOD: D+. Grade: C

Janet Reno: Fame: B, Age: C, Art: B+, MOD: D. Grade: B-

Jean Alexander: Fame: D (except in the UK, where she’s an A), Age: D-, Art: B+, MOD: D+. Grade: C-

Jerry Heller: Fame: C+, Age: C-, Art: B-, MOD: C-. Grade: C+

Jim Harrison: Fame: C-, Age: D+, Art: B, MOD: D. Grade: C-

Joe Alaskey: Fame: C-, Age: B, Art: B+, MOD: D. GraDde: B-

Joey Feek: Fame: B, Age: B+, Art: C+, MOD: D+, Grade: B (I know it was cancer, always a disinteresting death, but she blogged it)

Joe Garagiola: Fame: B+, Age: D, Art: A, MOD: D. Grade: B

John Berry: Fame: D+, Age: B+, Art: C, MOD: C+. Grade: C

John Glenn: Fame: A+, Age: D-, Art: A+, MOD: D-. Grade: B+

John McLaughlin: Fame: A-, Age: D, Art: A, MOD: D. Grade: B+

Jose Fernandez: Fame: B, Age: A, Art: B+, MOD: Grade: B+

Juan Gabriel: Fame: B+, Age: C+, Art: A, MOD: D+. Grade: B+

Kenny Baker: Fame: B-, Age: C-, Art: C+, MOD: D+. Grade: C-

Keith Emerson: Fame:C+, Age: C+, Art: C, MOD: D. Grade: C+

King Bhumibol Adulyadej – Fame: C- (unless you’re from Thailand, in which case: A+), Age: D, Art: A, NOD: D. Grade: B

Lee Reherman: Fame, C, Age: B, Art: D, MOD: D. Grade: C+

Les Waas: Fame: D, Age: D-, Art: A-, MOD: D. Grade: C

Leonard Cohen: Fame: B, Age: C, Art: A, MOD: B (sure, just in his sleep, but the lead up was awesome). Grade: B+

Leon Russell: Fame: B, Age: C+, Art: B, MOD: D. Grade: B-

Lou Pearlman: Fame: D, Age: B-, Art: D, MOD: D. Grade: D+

Matt Roberts: Fame: C+, Age: B+, Art: C-, MOD: B+. Grade: B-

Maurice White: Fame: C+, Age: C-, Art: A, MOD: B. Grade: B

Merle Haggard: Fame: A-, Age: C, Art: A+, MOD: D+. Grade: B+

Michael Cimino: Fame: C, Age: C+, Art: B+, MOD: D+. Grade: C

Michelle NcNamara: Fame: C-, Age: B+, Art: C+, MOD: A (look it up). Grade: B

Miss Cleo: Fame: C, Age: B+, Art: D+, MOD: D. Grade: C-

Morley Safer: Fame: A, Age: C-, Art: A, MOD:D . Grade: B+

Mother Mary Angelica: Fame: C+, Age: D-, Art: C+, MOD: D. Grade: D+

Muhammed Ali: Fame: A+, Age: C+, Art: A+, MOD: D+ Grade: B+

Nancy Reagan: Fame: A, Age: D-, Art: D, MOD:C-

Nick Menza: Fame: D+, Age: B+, Art: B, MOD: B+ (on stage!). Grade: B-

Pat Conroy: Fame: C, Age: C, Art: C+, MOD: C-. Grade: C

Pat Harrington Jr.: Fame: C, Age: D, Art: C, MOD: B (Alzheimer’s is such a terrible way to go). Grade: C

Patty Duke: Fame: B, Age: C+, Art: B, MOD: D. Grade: B-

Paul Kantner: Fame: C+, Age: C, Art: B-, MOD: D. Grade: C

Papa Wemba: Fame: C+, Age: C+, Art: B, MOD: B+ (collapsed on stage!). Grade: B-

Pete Burns: Fame: B-, Age: B-, Art: B-, MOD: B-. Grade: B-

Pete Fountain: Fame: D+, Age: D, Art: B+, MOD: D. Grade: C

Peter Vaughn: Fame: B, Age: D-, Art: B, MOD: D. Grade: C+

Phife Dawg: Fame: B, Age: B, Art: B+, MOD: D

Prince: Fame: A, Age: B, Art: A+, MOD C+, Grade: A-

Ralph Stanley: Fame: B, Age: D, Art: A, MOD: D. Grade: B

René Angéli:  Fame: B-. Age: C-, Art: D, MOD: D. Grade: C-

Richard Adams: Fame: C, Age: D-, Art: A, MOD: D-. Grade: C+

Rick Parfitt: Fame: C-, Age: C+, Art: B, MOD: C-. Grade: C

Robert Vaughn: Fame: C+, Age: C-, Art: B, MOD: D – Grade: C

Rob Ford: Fame: C, Age: B+, Art: F, MOD: D+ (shoulda OD’d). Grade: C

Ron Glass: Fame: B, Age: B-, Art: B, MOD: C+. Grade: B

Ronnie Corbett: Fame: D+ (except in the UK), Age: D, Art: A, MOD: D. Grade: C+

Scotty Moore: Fame: B, Age: C, Art: A+, MOD: D. Grade: B+

Sharon Jones: Fame: B, Age: C+, Art: B, MOD: C. Grade: B-

Shawty Lo: Fame: C, Age: B+, Art: B-, MOD: A-. Grade: B

Shimon Peres: Fame: A, Age: D-, Art: A+, MOD: D-. Grade: A-

Sonny James: Fame: C-, Age: D, Art: B. MOD: D. Grade: C-

Steve Dillon: Fame: C+, Age: B, Art: B+, MOD: D, Grade: B-

Terry Wogan: Fame: F (except in the UK), Age: D+, Art: B, MOD: C-. Grade: C-

Tony Burto: Fame: C-, Age: C-, Art: C, MOD: D . Grade: C-

Umberto Eco: Fame: C+, Age: C-, Art: B, MOD: D. Grade: C+

Vanity: Fame: C+, Age: B, Art: C-, MOD: B-. Grade: C+

W.P. Kinsella: Fame: C, Age: C+, Art: B, MOD: B (doctor assisted! woah) – B-

Zsa Zsa Gabor:: Fame: D+, Age” E-, Art: B+, MOD: C+ (a lot of huffing and puffing about making it to 100 years of age). Grade: C-

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One Response to “The Ultimate Year In Celebrity Death Graded And Alphabetized: And The Biggest Loss Is?”

  1. Ray Lemire

    Rick Parfitt’s “Fame” in Europe and the UK in particular, was off the charts! Status Quo has over 60 (yes, 60) charting hits in the UK, and 22 of them reached the UK Top 10. The band has sold over 125 million records … and you give the most underrated rhythm guitarists of all time a C- for fame? Good God, man, expand your damn horizons. There is life outside the U.S. Just because Americans never caught onto Quo doesn’t minimize his impact.

    Reply

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