The Worst Single Of 2018: “Finesse” By Bruno Mars (featuring Cardi B)
Sure, it is early days, and absolutely it is a fair bet that it will get worse before it gets better, but Cardi B’s opening verse on the Bruno Mars remix off his old as dirt 24K Magic album’s song “Finesse” finally makes the former stripper and current sex bomb human. Given Mars being one of the most successful acts in the world, year after year, what the fuck were they thinking of(fset).
Last year, Cardi B gave us “Bodak Yellow,” “Motorsports,” “La Modolu” and “Bartier Carti” and became an overnight sensation, the first female rapper to break through since Nicki Minaj. That triumvirate of hits (plus Ozuna) blew us all away and the Bronx native dealt with success through good humor, huge pleasure, laughing at people who found sex videos of her, laughing with Jimmy Fallon at how she had taken over the world. When I saw her at Barclays Center, she wasn’t really ready for a live performance but she will get there because she is the most lovable rapper of all time.
Bruno Mars whipped 2016’s 24K Magic into a sold out, somewhat obvious, world tour, and lots and lots of spandex hot pants, but I wasn’t a fan of the album, and “Finesse” is a fair to average disco song. Not bad. So why did he let Cardi B get away with this rap, her verse at the top of the song is easily the most indifferent thing she has ever done. The only part of interest is her rapping between the “yeahs”. Then she is gone till the songs coda where she returns briefly for the hook.
“Drop top Porsche, Rollie on my wrist
Diamonds up and down my chain
Cardi B, straight stuntin’, can’t tell me nothin’
Bossed up and I changed the game (you see me)
It’s my big Bronx boogie, got all them girls shook
My big, fat ass got all them boys hooked
I went from dollar bills, now we poppin’ rubber bands
Bruno sang to me while I do my money dance like
Aye, flexin’ on the gram like (aye!)
Hit the Lil Jon, okay (okay), okay (okay)
Oh, yeah we drippin’ in finesse, getting paid (ow!)”
What’s missing is a “Cardi put…” type hook, it is something to power the verse out of the ordinary. It is a real disappointment. As for the song, this is the FIFTH SINGLE Bruno has taken off the album. He isn’t that good. The video, an homage to the 90s TV comedy show “In Living Color” is fine but it isn’t a song.